Eleos Counselling has offered marriage counselling, relationship counselling to couples in the Redhill and Horley, Surrey area since 2014.

Last recorded figures (2015) said that love is alive and well in the UK. With over 247,000 marriages of opposite sex couples and 4,800 same-sex couples. It is a sad fact that within the next five years 42% of these marriages and civil partnerships will end in divorce or separation. In truth, most of these marriages and civil partnerships could have been saved if the couple had gone to a marriage counsellor/couples therapist to gain support.

How can Eleos Counselling help our relationship?

Certainly, a couple’s therapist or marriage counsellor will not have some incredible technique which will put back together a relationship that is wrecked beyond repair. Nevertheless, Eleos Counselling has had substantial success using a form of therapy named Emotionally Focused Therapy or EFT.

Unlike, most couples therapy methods, which are based on communication skills. EFT is an experiential and systematic intervention in which the EFT practitioner/therapist actively collaborates with the clients to help them establish new meaning to their relationship experiences. Based on extensive studies involving couples, Emotionally Focused Therapy or EFT looks at patterns of behaviour the each member of the couple has established as a reaction to each other, both positive and negative.

By working on what is called attachment needs,  a couple can come to have a better appreciation into each other’s expectations and desires within the relationship, and this can help them create new ways of connecting to each other based on their individual attachment needs.

A study carried out by Dr Sue Johnston the author of the EFT, has shown that when couples engage in  Emotionally Focused Therapy, ninety percent of them report sizeable improvements in their relationship. Using emotionally focused therapy, between seventy percent to seventy-five percent of couples who are having difficulties in their relationship can move forward using EFT. Principally, EFT helps a couple recognise each other’s way of relating. Furthermore, it helps the couple find ways to break negative patterns of behaviour, within the relationship. 

When should we go to couples therapy?

It is an unfortunate fact that far too many couples come to couples therapy when their relationship is at breaking point. Most couple’s therapist would suggest that a couple comes to therapy as soon as they are having problems, which they themselves cannot resolve.

It’s a depressing fact that many couple’s therapists will see a couple when their relationship has got to the stage where one of the couples is about to exit the relationship. Additionally, a couples therapist will often see a couple when their relationship has become abusive both verbally, and physically; saving a marriage or relationship at this point can be very awkward.

Does marriage counselling /couples therapy work?

In reality, the question above should be will both you and your partner commit to the process of couples therapy? The truth is that effective couples therapy depends on both members of the couple wanting to engage in the therapeutic process. Anecdotal evidence supports that when both couples wish to come to couples therapy, It actively illustrates to both parties that they are united and invested in working at their relationship and want help.

Often, if one of the members of the couple is hesitant or unwilling to go to therapy then maybe now is not the right time. An alternative to couples therapy is you yourself come to individual therapy so that you can work on yourself to change your position within the relationship and the way you  respond into your partner

How many sessions do you think we will need?

As mentioned above, the model that Eleos counselling uses is emotionally focused therapy or EFT. Research carried out into this model suggests that 12 sessions are usually enough to help the couple change the cycle of negative interaction.

However, our own anecdotal evidence indicates that things can be done very much quicker, should both parties be in agreement, that they want to work on their relationship.

Eleos counselling has written a blog about the true cost of Couples therapy /marriage counselling, both emotionally and financially: there is a link in the link box at the bottom of this page.

What do we do now?

If you and your partner would like to book a session, you can, either, phone, email, or simply click the book now button on this page from there you will be taken to the Select and Book page, where you can book a session which fits both your schedules.

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